Maybe??

Wow - almost a year since my last post. Obviously, blogging isn't a huge priority for me, but I do know that it is probably the best way to keep everyone up to date with what is going on for us - so, I will try to post more. Good news is that not much has really happened, in our case, this year.  Mostly, we have just been doing our normal day to day things and chasing the little man.

S just turned 4 - can you believe it? I can't. We were at an appointment this afternoon and the counselor  made the comment to S that he had just had a birthday. I asked him to tell her how old he was - and his response was, "I am 4 and a little bit." Cracked me up.

He is doing really, really well - 39#, 39 inches...so about the 75% for weight and 25% for height. That has been his norm ever since he was a baby. Our little powerhouse - all muscle and super strong. :) He has been in gymnastics for the past few months and really loves it. It has been great to watch him his confidence grow, even more, and to develop really great skills. He will continue through July and then we will take a little break until the Fall. He is going to start swimming too - there will be a little overlap with swimming and gymnastics - so our Thursdays are going to be busy. He will take a session of swimming, starting next week, and then a couple more sessions in August. He loved it last year - I hope he does this year, as well! He is a little boy now - no more toddler in him at all. I was rocking him last night and I called him "baby" as I was putting him down...he mumbled, half asleep, that he was not a baby anymore, but a big boy. Point taken. Still not sure if mama is ready for the big boy part, though. I know I have said it before, but this time has gone so quickly. I try my hardest not to rush about, but I feel like there have been times where the entire month has gone by and I can hardly remember what we have done. So moments - I try to hold onto moments.

So, our news. We went to court today. We thought it was pretty much like any other court date we have had. We are invited in, for a few minutes, to give the Judge and lawyers an update as to how S is doing, what things he likes doing, health stuff - just a quick update. This time it was different - it was a Permanency Hearing. We didn't know that until we were sitting in the courtroom today...this was HUGE news for us. This is where they can change the direction that his plan is going - and, hopefully, that would be to us. Now, that being said, we aren't holding our breath. As the hearing progressed there were a few things that the Judge ordered to happen before the official hearing actually took place - so, it has essentially been rescheduled for early August. In the meantime, please, PLEASE pray for us and everyone that is involved in the mix. (Lawyers, Bio Mom, Judge, Tribe, Case Workers - pray for them all) Things can change on a dime, so you never know, but it was sure an encouragement today. So, so big.

The craft of sewing

I have been doing a lot of sewing lately. It is one of my favorite things to do - I love that I can sew some fabric together and it can turn into something cute and useful. As an aside, please check out my new etsy shop and tell ALL your friends!! I am making lots of stuff for fairs this fall - so will be posting new things to my shop soon. (http://www.etsy.com/shop/BigTreeKids) The past few weeks I have been working on two quilts - small lap quilts. I measure, measure again, make sure my ruler is straight on my cutting mat, measure one more time and then cut. I have found, that no matter how much I measure and how careful I am when I sew the seam allowances, I am NEVER able to get all the corners to match up exactly. I know that there are quilters out there that would rip the seams out and start over, but I am not one of them. Especially with a 3 year old running around in the background.

So, thinking about all the seams that didn't match up - not matter how hard I tried - made me think of my life with Kevin and S. Or just my life in general. If things turned out as I expected, they would be a lot different than they are now. I never thought I would lose my mom at 57. The latest I thought I would get married was 30 - let alone 38. AND, I was going to have a bunch of kids...hmmm. Didn't even come close to how things worked out.

I love both of these little quilts - I love the colors, how they lay, and that they are handmade. I love the littles that I have made them for - I love thinking about them snuggling up with the quilt and taking it to bed. I love that, hopefully, these quilts will give comfort. In spite of the corners that don't line up.

Yes, that is how our lives have come together. Not all of our corners line up - we can chose to rip it out and try again, or just make peace with it and let that little bit of imperfection comfort us and remind us that better things are to come! And, despite the messy corners and things not turning out just as I wanted - my reality is more than I could have ever dreamed up! I have a caring a compassionate husband that loves me dearly and a sweet little boy that calls me "mama." It is perfection to me...despite all the bumps we have encountered. That is what I have been thinking on the last few days...

Playing on a rope swing at Farmer Ben's

Nothing really new with S's case - we continue to wait and hope that he will remain with us for years to come. It is looking very positive, so that is good. He is growing to be a big boy. He was just telling me, yesterday, that he is a "little grown-up." Not even a big boy anymore. Learning all kinds of stuff and becoming more independent all the time. Such a big little grown-up!

When did that happen??

I was laying in bed last night, a little sad even, because S turned three today. I know, I hear seasoned moms say it all the time "the time goes too fast" or "make sure not to rush - before you know it he will be all grown up." So we haven't! We have tried to relish in all the little moments and tried to keep a slow pace of life. And still - the time has gone too quickly. Out little guy is three. Three. That is a big boy - no more baby fat and rolls on him. He is talking - all the time - in complete sentences and really understanding concepts. Well - except I have a friend that is pregnant right now. I have been talking to him about it - how the baby is going to come soon and we will have a new little friend. S seems to think that this mama "ate" her baby - and that is why she is still in her tummy. We are working on that one still...

We have an important day coming up this Wednesday - big decisions will be made in court regarding his case. These decisions will determine long-term plans, so PLEASE pray for us and his bio-mom on that day. Or, even better, start praying right now!! :) The case, as we understand, is being heard at 9am. We will not be present - it is better for us not to be at this one. I will post as soon as I know an outcome - thanks, in advance, for your prayers.

The big three year old boy. (sigh)

A Great Day!!!

Yesterday was a big, big day for us. In a nutshell, we received news that S's long term plan has been changed by the court! YEAH!!! We went to court and talked, briefly, with a Tribal Judge prior to the hearing. We aren't allowed to be present in the hearing - so we just updated him on how S is doing and he was able to see S for himself. Our case worker told us that she thought this little visit - albeit a little chaotic as S was running around the courtroom and not minding us - made a big impact on the Judge. So, at this point, the long term plan is to have him placed with a 3rd party custodian (us). We will be learning more of what that means in the next few months - guardianship or adoption? The later is our hope and wildest dream, but we are up for anything that is more long term than what we have been living through the last two+ years. Yeah!!! Best Christmas present EVER!

I was pretty calm on the phone with the case worker - however, when I hung up the phone it was a different story. I cried and cried. We have gotten so accustomed to thinking of just "today"...or just a few months out. Getting from holiday to holiday has been an emotional challenge. Our mindset has been "we have him this Christmas, but will we have him for Kevin's birthday next March? Mother's Day? S's 3rd birthday?" We can't even think that far - it is way to heart wrenching to think of one of those events without him. So we usually don't even go there. When I hung up the phone yesterday it hit me that we might, just might, not have to think that way anymore. It was like a huge weight was lifted off my chest. We understand that we still might not get him...but this is such a significant and hopeful step for us. We are just enjoying it and will see what is presented to us in the next little bit. Whew.

On the flip side - we know this must be a hard thing for his bio-mom. It was one of the first things I thought of...and that is hard for us. Please remember her as you are excited for us. I will keep you updated as we get more information. Thanks for your kind thoughts and prayers!

Way back when...

The day he came home with us - 13 days old

 Lately I have been thinking a lot about S when he was a baby. I don't know why - maybe it is because he is getting so big and independent. I remember exactly what I was doing, at work, when we got the call from our social worker. Packing up my stuff at work that night...trying to tie up loose ends while trying to wrap my mind around the fact that Kevin and I would have a baby at home that next day. I remember going to the hospital, the next morning, meeting with a social worker and then meeting S, in NICU, for the first time. So tiny in the little baby basinet - all bundled up and sleeping. They had us feed him before we left the hospital - and the nurses were so helpful and understanding. I was so flustered I couldn't figure out how to adjust the car seat straps - which we had practiced. No amount of practice can prepare you for the journey we have been on with him. I remember sitting in the back seat of our car with him - I felt like we were stealing him. It all just happened so quickly - but really, took so very long. Recently, I was going through some things in  his room and found a journal of sorts that we kept when we brought him home. Feeding times, how long he slept/was awake, how he was feeling, how his diapers were...there were so many things for us to keep track of. Not just normal baby stuff - we had to kinda keep an eye on him for other things, too. But, since he was our first, we had NO idea what "normal" even was...

He woke up in the middle of the night last week - had a bad dream or something. So I got up and changed his diaper, put cozy jammies on him and we snuggled in the rocking chair in his room. That doesn't happen much anymore. I love that he sleeps so well - but I really miss the snuggle time I used to get. All. the. time. And now, if he gets up at night, he really doesn't want to snuggle. It is more like "I want to talk about everything I see in my room and whatever I did today." That night he just wanted his lovey (clothe diaper), bear, and mama. And we snuggled. Even better - he fell asleep in my arms. I almost just stayed in there, but I knew that he would sleep better in his crib. So I put the little big boy to bed.

At Cramer's Pumpkin Patch - on horse wagon with Papa

He is just growing up so quickly. He is carrying on conversations with us now and really understanding  concepts. How did that happen? I can tell that he thinks about things now. Yes, he is a toddler and changes his mind a million times a day, but he "gets" stuff now. His latest is teasing. He loves to tease mama and papa. It is hilarious. And the more we laugh, the more he does it...and we laugh a lot. :)

Watching Papa work in yard

He is now spending some time with his siblings every week. It is great - we are happy about that change. Hard on his schedule, but it is only a few hours and he seems to adjust ok. He loves it - most of the time. He is picked up by a transporter (who observes the visit) and he doesn't like leaving mama. He wants me to come - and that makes it really hard on mama. (Imagine that??) Just another adjustment, but a good one. Nothing else to really report. We still delight in every day we have with him and pray we have many, many more. We have had a great Fall. If you don't live in the PNW, the weather was amazing up until a couple weeks ago. Warm days, cool nights and NO RAIN for months. Our Fall has arrived (which makes me happy!!) and it has been cold and a bit rainy, but we have found lots of fun things to do. Visits to Apple Orchards, Pumpkin Patches, horse rides, train rides, and lots of playing outside. Love it! Looking forward to a season on hope as we approach the holidays.

At Bellewood Acres

Things I have learned from a 2 year old

1. Walking is not an option - running is the only way to go.
2. One must be outside all the time. It is boring to be inside - there is nothing to do and mama and papa make me take baths while I am inside. Who wants to take a bath? NOT me.
3. All bugs are cool.
4. If there is construction that involves diggers or tractors one must stop everything and watch. Forever.
5. ROAR!!!! no quiet voices allowed.

2 years old!

6. Run, run, run.
7. Climb - after running, of course.
8. Trains and donuts run a close second to construction sites - only Rocket donuts, though.
9. Papas are great chasers.
10. Run some more.
11. Mama's cell phone is WAY better than my cell phone.
12. Anything is a drum - including Mama's cake plate. Sorry, Mama.
13. Snuggling with Mama or Papa at nap/night time is the best. Especially if books are involved.


That about sums up our summer - lots of running at parks, the back yard and all over. S loves to be kept busy - and so does Mama. Our world is, generally, a happier place if he is able to run and play. I think it is that way for most 2 year olds though - especially boys. High energy boys. He is talking a mile a minute now, too. Recalling things we did weeks ago - it is amazing. Such a little boy now. I love that and I hate it - it is hard to think that the baby stage is far behind us now. I love this time, though. So thankful that I am able to be with him most of the time and be part of it all. That is such a blessing for us!

 

Climbing trees with friends at Hovander Homestead

No significant changes in our family situation the past summer. Still waiting and praying and loving  having him in our lives. We are heading to E WA for a family vacation in a few weeks and really looking forward to a break from our day to day routine. Will be able to sleep in (HA! Papa will sleep in...), play at the beach and in the lake, take walks through the apple orchards and visit some vineyards. Yea for family time!

Fun times at a friend's 3rd birthday party

See our new fence? I need to climb it...right away...

Steering the Plover FV

Exploring the beach at Semiahmoo

Name Change

How to even begin this post. We kinda figured this may happen someday - maybe? Most of our navigation in the system has been, well, we just never know. Sometimes it feels like it really just depends who you talk to on what info you are given. We were told, when we brought N home, that we could give him a name. We knew that name wasn't legal. We knew that we needed to use his given name around the house so that he was familiar with it...and we have done that. As he has gotten older I have thought long and hard about this whole name thing. How confusing would it be for him to be returned back to his bio mom and never hear the name we have given him, again? Would that be weird for him? Yes, I think so.

We recently had a visit from DCFS for our Foster License Renewal. The visit went really well - she was very sweet, kind, and thorough. For those of you that have been to our house you know that most everything is in lockdown mode now. REALLY kid proofed. Mostly because he gets into everything, but a lot is just required as a Foster family. Well, turns out that there were a few more things we STILL needed to do. Yes, really. Minor stuff though - I should be able to take care of them by the end of the week and we will be good for another 3 years. Yea!!

One thing that came up was the name. (sigh) So, after much discussion we are reverting back to his given name. From this moment forward, as hard as it will be for us, we will no longer be using N as his name. I am sure it will take some time for us all, but please start to use S. He knows it - it is familiar to him. And, honestly, it is a sign of respect - and I get that. I think that part of us naming him was something that belonged to us - and, as Foster parents, he doesn't belong to us.

Kev and I were talking about it tonight. Crying and sighing, too. We have always been pretty open with people and told them his given name was S. (Please let me know if you don't know the name - I just don't want it on the internet) A name means everything - and nothing. Just because we are calling him a different name doesn't mean he is a different little boy. It does mean everything to his bio mom though - family, heritage, and culture. So, so important. And, honestly, it is a really cool name. When he is in school he will be the only one with that name!

So, please, don't be taken aback when we correct you if you use "N" the next time you see our little sweetie. We understand it will take time.

On a side note, there haven't been, as far as we know, any changes in his case. Please continue to pray for his mom and us as a family. We have loved this little break we have gotten. S's schedule has really settled down. I had no idea that his visits were kind of messing up his sleep - but he has slept through almost every night for the last month or so...I think he has only gotten up 3 times that whole time. In the past he was up 3 and 4 nights/week. Ahhh. So nice.