Songs we are singing

N is really into singing right now. He LOVES it when we sing to him and with him. We have been singing with him since he was just a teeny little guy - so it is really fun that he lights up when we sing now.

His favs are:

The Wheels on the Bus
Insy Weensy Spider (with the motions - SOOO cute)
Jesus loves me
Jesus loves the little children
ABC song (we always sing this when we give him treatments....I don't know why...)
Jesus paid it all (mama loves this song)
Skinamarinkydinkydo

and my favorite hymn...Be Thou my Vision

I sing these verses over and over - especially at night when he up. He loves it - he usually will cup my face with his little hands when I sing it. He just does it with this song for some reason - but it is very sweet and I don't want to forget it.

Be Thou my vision, O, Lord of my heart

Naught be all else to me, save that Thou are

Thou my best thought, by day or by night

Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light

High King of heaven, my victory won

May I reach heaven’s joys, O, bright heav’ns Son

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall

Still be my vision, O, Ruler of all

If and when...

Many of you know we had  a meeting with LCS and our adoption agency, Antioch, this past Friday. It went ok - I guess as well as expected. We didn't really get any new information on the case. There hasn't really been much movement in the past few months. It was good to get both groups together though - at least to even meet up face-to-face.

The latest is there is a court date coming up, mid-April, that could maybe result in N's overnights starting. Maybe. And, even if those do begin to happen, we don't know for how long and what comes after that. With cases that are worked by DCFS the parameters and timelines are very different. With Tribal cases it is totally up to the Tribal council and there really aren't timelines...so we could have him another 2 mos or another few years. Really, probably closer to the months end though. Ugh. But that is what we thought in August - we didn't think we would have him through October. And look - we are approaching his 2nd birthday!

The latest with little Mr N. He is continuing to show us his climbing and running skills. We spend a lot of time at the park/s right now - keeps both of us sane. He is talking more and more - and listens really well, too. It still amazes me - this little one growing up thing. I cannot believe all that he understands and does - and that we taught that to him! He does not like it when Daddy hugs Mama - will stop whatever he is doing to break it up. Pushes me away from Kevin and gloms onto me. Cracks us up - so we do it even more! We have been spending lots of time together as a family - it is so important for him to feel safe and stable. In the midst of visits getting longer and whatever is down the road for us - we want him to know that he is loved and cared for as much as we are able.

So please continue to pray for us and all the relationships - with N's social worker, our social worker with LCS, mostly, our relationship with birth mom. That she would continue to trust us and know that we love her son. And that she would feel peace - I don't think she is right now.

The ups and downs...

I just have to say it - I know visitations are super important and part of the process, but sometimes I really wonder. I just picked up N from a visit and he was in tears (which, if you know N, you know that he doesn't cry a lot - it REALLY takes a lot to push him over the edge) and one of the other siblings was in tears. All because they were tired. They needed to be in bed. So I got N some water and packed him into the van to take him home - trying to soothe him the entire way. Keep in mind that I was now crying but not wanting him to know because I didn't want to upset him more. Very. Hard. So I just prayed. Prayed that somehow he would be comforted, sitting alone in the dark backseat, and that Kev and I would be reminded that our strength and protection comes from God. He guards us, (and our hearts), when we leave and when we return, He guards us now, He guards us always. (Ps. 121)

Kevin is just putting him to bed - he is a limp and tired little boy. Sounds like it went down without a hitch. Yea and AMEN!

Apples or Blueberries?

Everything that is round, to N, is either an apple or a ball. Most times, an apple. Oblong things go in that catagory, as well. We have been working on words with him - it is crazy how quickly he will pick something up from us! Well, when he wants to. So this morning I was feeding him breakfast and added some blueberries to his yogurt and cereal. He LOVES blueberries. He kept calling them apples, though. So, being the patient mama I am, I kept telling him they were "blueberries." Every time he said "apple" I responded "blueberry." And, you know when you are trying to help teach someone a new word, how you slow down and annunciate the word? Well, he did the same thing! I said "bluuuee beerrryyy...." and he looked at me like I was from Mars and said "aaaapppllle." I just laughed and that was the end of that. He will get it when he gets it. At least notices that things are round. Kind of.

We had a great Thanksgiving and Christmas season. Thanksgiving was at my Dad's with most of my siblings and my brother in law's brother. It was one of the best Thanksgivings that we can remember - since mom has been gone, at least. Just laid back and easy. Well, easy for us - we just showed up and enjoyed company and food. My dad and brother are great cooks and really put together a wonderful dinner. We missed having Michelle and her little family there...but they came home for Christmas! Yea! Christmas was a whirlwind, but a lot of fun. Kevin was able to take an extra day off so was home for 5 days! Lots of family time...We went to Christmas Eve service at our church and had Kevin's family over to our house for gifts and dinner. His niece had the stomach flu so she didn't some - Christmas with the DeKoster's, take two with Kristina, will be on New Year's Eve. Then it was more time with family on Christmas Day and down my my Dad's on the 26th. N did really well - we tried to be as low key as we could and not to rush about. To enjoy our time - and we did it! N really still just loves boxes. He wasn't even into the wrap all that much - but boxes, man, they are the best. I had to move a few downstairs as he figured out that you can put one box on another and then add a ball for fun climbing adventures.

We got hard news yesterday afternoon. It caught us off guard as the visits with bio mom have been a little out of sync the last few weeks. N's visit hours will almost be doubled starting next week. I haven't talked to his SW, so really don't know the reasoning, but we just have to trust that this is the way it is supposed to happen. I cried solid for almost an hour after I dropped him off last night. I think a lot of it is just being my emotional self and tired...I really know that God has a plan for us and N. And his bio mom. The news was just a little disheartening. So, trying to look at positive side of things. This will give his bio mom the opportunity to spend more time with him - to be able to get his routine down. It will give me more time at home to get stuff done, exercise, clean - whatever. I think I have almost 8 hours for one of the blocks. I can't even imagine what I can get done with all that time!! And I will keep busy - if I  am idle I will go bonkers with worry over N. So, pray for us during this new transition. Big stuff for our family.

Worry...

Sometimes, it seems, there are days that are smooth sailing and days that are not. I am not really saying that our days are hard - they usually aren't. Well, aside from the trying to juggle every day life with visitations. But that has kinda turned into every day life for us.

This time last year we were unsure if we would have N for Christmas. I remember I was just a bundle of nerves. I wanted to plan things, but was afraid that I was assuming to much. This year, we are pretty sure we will have him, but we struggle with the thought that this is our last Christmas with him. I don't know which is better - or worse. We are trying to plan fun things with him and do things slowly - to savor the season - but we both feel like it is flying by and it is slipping from our fingers. We know that this might not be the case...we might have more time with him than we think, but we worry. We were watching something the other night and there was a line that stuck out to us. What our problem is we "know to much about the unknowns." We know what probably lies ahead. And we think about it WAY to much.

So that is what has been making these delightful days a little hard for us. Again, if anyone knows that "how to make time stand still" trick, please pass it onto us. We are trusting God for N's future - that is never up for grabs. It is just the in between stuff that gets to us every now and then.

In the meantime we are decorating and playing games with the sweet little boy. I made him a little felt tree with ornaments that he re-decorates several times a day. He loves all the lights - we are getting our tree this weekend and can't wait to put it up with him. Just getting a little one and letting him have at it! We took him up to the lighted parade in Lynden last weekend and he was enthralled by all the tractors and trucks with light on them. Kept pointing to them and saying "wow" and "ohhhhh." I thought it would wear off on him after a couple tractors, but it didn't. Such a treat.

Blessings to you this Christmas Season!

Go Go Go

It has been over a month since my last update - sorry! It has been a busy few months. We went to Chelan the end of September and it feels like it has been a whirlwind since we got back. And now that little vacation feels like it was a lifetime ago.

Grandpa Kay and N in Chelan

Update with N's case - seems that things are slowing down a bit. I can't go into details, but please keep praying. Pray for his bio mom, our relationship with her, N...This is a shifting sands sort of situation and it really seems to change day to day. We think we might have him through Christmas, but we don't know that for sure...at all. It is so hard to even think about Christmas and to prepare for it not knowing. We are though - hoping for the best.

N resting after a busy day on the lake

N is growing by leaps and bounds. He has about 15 words now and seems to say another new word each day. Today it was "cracker." His favorite words are "go, go, go." And that he does very well. He is a very fast runner and loves to just go. Go anywhere and climb everywhere. Especially outside. He looks, wistfully, out the deck window every day - especially on rainy days when we usually don't go outside. That has changed though - he has new rainboots and raingear from last year (that still fits!!) so we are prepared! NW rain will not be keeping us inside this winter! I think I would go crazy if we weren't able to go outside. It is one thing to hold a baby through the winter - totally another to keep an active toddler down. There are some great indoor places to go here in town to - the kids museum and a new play place. We get to parks as much as we can...he LOVES swings and slides. Mostly climbing up the slide, though. He is big into his cars and trucks, too. And his bear and baby doll - loves to carry them around and share his water and crackers. Very sweet to watch.

We went to the doc yesterday for his 18 mos well check up and he is right on target for everything - a little on the short side (22%) but everything is great. I still cannot believe that he is 18 mos old and that we have had him almost that long. Time has gone by at breakneck speed. He is really starting to look like a little boy now - not a baby anymore. His arms and chest are lean....no more baby rolls there! His legs still have a little pudge on them, thank goodness. He just got his 4th, yes 4th, haircut and he has his first dentist appt coming up in a few weeks. He has a mouthful of chompers, so that is good.

N running away from me...

For Halloween he dressed up as a hound dog - a costume my sister, Teri, loaned us. It was perfect for him - he loves dogs and was stinkin' cute. He would not keep the hood on though - I need to put the outfit back on and try to get some photos with the hood up. We went to our church's  Harvest Party and he raced around - we mostly chased him. It was a great, fun event - lots of kids and families.

N and A on a sharing stand down...

My youngest sister recently moved with her husband and daughter back east. We are sad to see them go - she is just a few months younger than N. While we didn't see them a ton (they lived in Portland) it still feels so far away. My dad had all of us kids over for dinner before they left - all kids played quite a bit. Sharing was a little bit of a challenge with the two younger ones, but it was a lot of fun to watch them together. We will get to see them at Christmas when they come home. Yea!

Please keep praying for our family and transitions. We just keep counting our moments with him and cherishing every single thing. Isn't that we should be doing all the time anyways? Not clinging to those moments but being thankful for them. And remembering to be intentional.

Making applesauce

I bought a 25# box of apples from Bellewood farms last week and have been canning up an applesauce storm the last few days. LOVE applesauce - turns out that N does, too. I am having to plow through them as we are headed over to Chelan in a couple days. We have rented a house that sits smack dab in the middle of a ton of apple orchards. I can't wait! It smells so good over there and we love our walks in the orchards. Should be a lot of fun with N this year - last year he was just a little guy. It will be really great to get out of town and relax.

Just a couple photos of N "helping" Mama with the apples. Enjoy your week!

Wait, what are these?

Oh, but I can only hold two...

I fit!