Worry...

Sometimes, it seems, there are days that are smooth sailing and days that are not. I am not really saying that our days are hard - they usually aren't. Well, aside from the trying to juggle every day life with visitations. But that has kinda turned into every day life for us.

This time last year we were unsure if we would have N for Christmas. I remember I was just a bundle of nerves. I wanted to plan things, but was afraid that I was assuming to much. This year, we are pretty sure we will have him, but we struggle with the thought that this is our last Christmas with him. I don't know which is better - or worse. We are trying to plan fun things with him and do things slowly - to savor the season - but we both feel like it is flying by and it is slipping from our fingers. We know that this might not be the case...we might have more time with him than we think, but we worry. We were watching something the other night and there was a line that stuck out to us. What our problem is we "know to much about the unknowns." We know what probably lies ahead. And we think about it WAY to much.

So that is what has been making these delightful days a little hard for us. Again, if anyone knows that "how to make time stand still" trick, please pass it onto us. We are trusting God for N's future - that is never up for grabs. It is just the in between stuff that gets to us every now and then.

In the meantime we are decorating and playing games with the sweet little boy. I made him a little felt tree with ornaments that he re-decorates several times a day. He loves all the lights - we are getting our tree this weekend and can't wait to put it up with him. Just getting a little one and letting him have at it! We took him up to the lighted parade in Lynden last weekend and he was enthralled by all the tractors and trucks with light on them. Kept pointing to them and saying "wow" and "ohhhhh." I thought it would wear off on him after a couple tractors, but it didn't. Such a treat.

Blessings to you this Christmas Season!