Moving forward with hopeful hearts...

Seems like I am doing this kind of backwards. I was told, when we brought N home from the hospital, that I should start a blog on our foster/adopt journey. Now, as we are beginning to prepare for reunification, I am finally starting a blog about our road with the sweet baby boy.

His visits with his bio mom have increased from two days a week to three - which is a hard transition for us all. He isn't sleeping well on his visit nights and we are in "recovery" the day after. He is so easy going  - I know it could be a lot worse. Me? Kevin? We are having a tough time with it, as well. That is to be expected, I guess. We are really, REALLY trying to look at the positive of it all. God brought N to us for a reason - we took care of him and raised him when his bio mom couldn't. He is a very happy, well adjusted baby boy that knows what it is like to be loved. That is huge. As I watched his bio mom walk away yesterday I thought to myself that she looks good - healthy, even. And that calmed me down.

I am reading a book by Ann Voskamp during N'a visit time/s. Yesterday the section I was reading on was about learning to be thankful in the moment (which is really the whole premise of the book). It really struck me though - she was writing about how when we are thankful for what is going on in the moment time slows down a bit. Or a lot - depending on how fast you are going. Both Kevin and I have been concentrating so much on the future right now. What will happen next week, next month, will we even have N in two months? Those thoughts put such a damper on the day...That isn't to say that we shouldn't plan ahead, but maybe should really try to concentrate on little moments we have with N. Who knows what God has in store for us in the next few months. It doesn't do us any good to wonder about the "ifs" in the next couple months. I told Kevin the other day that I really just wanted time to stand still for a little bit. Maybe this is God's way of reminding me to savor the time I do have with N and to be so very thankful for each little thing. Every toy I step on, a squirmy little boy when it is nap time, blueberries on the carpet, snuggles in the middle of the night. All that is good!