New Season...

I just put N down for his morning nap...a little late as he was up needing snuggles last night. Seems like this cold he has is finally clearing up and he is able to sleep through the night again. I didn't like losing sleep with his cold, but I did like the snuggling part in the middle of the night. In fact, I was kinda happy he woke up last night...it is usually such a sweet time. He hasn't really ever been a "screamer" or anything like that. If he gets held and snuggles in he calms right down. I know - not all kids are like this and it is God's gift to us. I love that time. I am not one to put him down as soon as he falls asleep, either. Never have been. I let him sleep for HOURS in my arms when he was an infant. I know, there are all kinds of schools of thought on that one. I have always thought that he might be our own and only - and I am the mama - so I want to enjoy this time. It all goes by sooo quickly. And now, for us, even more so...I am usually on the verge of tears, if not already, when I hold him at night. I don't want him to see me crying - I just want him to feel loved. I have gotten pretty good at staying calm in front of him. It is when I go back to bed that it gets hard. Or when he is at visits. Deep breath.

Ever since we brought him home from the hospital we have played music for him when he goes down for a nap. All kinds of stuff - hymns, Elizabeth Mitchell (one of my favs!), and even a Rick Springfield children's CD that a good friend of mine sent us. It is great - we play it in the van a lot. One of the most calming CDs is "Hidden in my Heart" - a wonderfully soothing compilation of scripture put to music. I LOVE IT. As I am fretting and feeling sad as I rock him these words rush over me and calm my heart.

Shortly after we got N a dear friend of mine sent me the re-written lyrics to "Hush Little Baby" by Beth Moore. I think the story goes, she was a Foster mom who took in a little boy when he was four and he stayed with them for about 3 years.  It broke her heart when he was removed from their care - but she did everything she could to instill God's truths into her little boys heart in the time she had him. We have felt that so strongly with N. I guess maybe we have always just felt we were on borrowed time...so that is why I don't mind late nights with him. Kevin looks so forward to coming home from work and rolling into the night time routine. It is time we get to invest in N -

We start another new schedule for visits this week. They are still up in the air but it looks like we are moving more into later afternoon/early evening visits. This may be a hard transition for N...and us, too. The visits will go until 7pm, and N is usually in bed (and asleep) by that time. The occasional late night hasn't ever been a big deal for him, but three in a row. I don't know. And it is hard for us, too. Kevin will hardly get to see him on those days. We will pick N up and basically put him to bed. Hopefully. Adjustments and a new season for us.

Update: we made it through the first late night visit. Well, almost. Kevin is just putting N down now. He was pretty agitated and whiney when he got home, mostly just really tired. We will see how he sleeps tonight and how tomorrow rolls.

At the park over Labor Day weekend - walking and exploring

Here are the lyrics for "Hush Little Baby" - they are pretty sweet.

“Hush little baby, Daddy’s got a Word

No eye has seen, no ear has heard.

Dream sweet dreams, but you can’t dream this,

Plans your Weaver weaves for bliss.

Hush little baby, don’t you cry.

Daddy fixes all things by and by.

Cease your strivings, rest your eyes

You’re my joy and you’re my prize

Sleep little baby, I’ll stay awake

If skies should fall and mountains quake

You’ll be safe in Daddy’s arms,

Wrapped in blankets, robbed from harms.

Hush little baby, I will sing

While angels dance and ’round you ring.

If I should come before you wake

Your eyes will open to your Daddy’s face

So hush little baby, trust me now

Thrones and powers to me bow.

I tell oceans what to do

I think Daddy can take care of you.”