A Great Day!!!

Yesterday was a big, big day for us. In a nutshell, we received news that S's long term plan has been changed by the court! YEAH!!! We went to court and talked, briefly, with a Tribal Judge prior to the hearing. We aren't allowed to be present in the hearing - so we just updated him on how S is doing and he was able to see S for himself. Our case worker told us that she thought this little visit - albeit a little chaotic as S was running around the courtroom and not minding us - made a big impact on the Judge. So, at this point, the long term plan is to have him placed with a 3rd party custodian (us). We will be learning more of what that means in the next few months - guardianship or adoption? The later is our hope and wildest dream, but we are up for anything that is more long term than what we have been living through the last two+ years. Yeah!!! Best Christmas present EVER!

I was pretty calm on the phone with the case worker - however, when I hung up the phone it was a different story. I cried and cried. We have gotten so accustomed to thinking of just "today"...or just a few months out. Getting from holiday to holiday has been an emotional challenge. Our mindset has been "we have him this Christmas, but will we have him for Kevin's birthday next March? Mother's Day? S's 3rd birthday?" We can't even think that far - it is way to heart wrenching to think of one of those events without him. So we usually don't even go there. When I hung up the phone yesterday it hit me that we might, just might, not have to think that way anymore. It was like a huge weight was lifted off my chest. We understand that we still might not get him...but this is such a significant and hopeful step for us. We are just enjoying it and will see what is presented to us in the next little bit. Whew.

On the flip side - we know this must be a hard thing for his bio-mom. It was one of the first things I thought of...and that is hard for us. Please remember her as you are excited for us. I will keep you updated as we get more information. Thanks for your kind thoughts and prayers!

Way back when...

The day he came home with us - 13 days old

 Lately I have been thinking a lot about S when he was a baby. I don't know why - maybe it is because he is getting so big and independent. I remember exactly what I was doing, at work, when we got the call from our social worker. Packing up my stuff at work that night...trying to tie up loose ends while trying to wrap my mind around the fact that Kevin and I would have a baby at home that next day. I remember going to the hospital, the next morning, meeting with a social worker and then meeting S, in NICU, for the first time. So tiny in the little baby basinet - all bundled up and sleeping. They had us feed him before we left the hospital - and the nurses were so helpful and understanding. I was so flustered I couldn't figure out how to adjust the car seat straps - which we had practiced. No amount of practice can prepare you for the journey we have been on with him. I remember sitting in the back seat of our car with him - I felt like we were stealing him. It all just happened so quickly - but really, took so very long. Recently, I was going through some things in  his room and found a journal of sorts that we kept when we brought him home. Feeding times, how long he slept/was awake, how he was feeling, how his diapers were...there were so many things for us to keep track of. Not just normal baby stuff - we had to kinda keep an eye on him for other things, too. But, since he was our first, we had NO idea what "normal" even was...

He woke up in the middle of the night last week - had a bad dream or something. So I got up and changed his diaper, put cozy jammies on him and we snuggled in the rocking chair in his room. That doesn't happen much anymore. I love that he sleeps so well - but I really miss the snuggle time I used to get. All. the. time. And now, if he gets up at night, he really doesn't want to snuggle. It is more like "I want to talk about everything I see in my room and whatever I did today." That night he just wanted his lovey (clothe diaper), bear, and mama. And we snuggled. Even better - he fell asleep in my arms. I almost just stayed in there, but I knew that he would sleep better in his crib. So I put the little big boy to bed.

At Cramer's Pumpkin Patch - on horse wagon with Papa

He is just growing up so quickly. He is carrying on conversations with us now and really understanding  concepts. How did that happen? I can tell that he thinks about things now. Yes, he is a toddler and changes his mind a million times a day, but he "gets" stuff now. His latest is teasing. He loves to tease mama and papa. It is hilarious. And the more we laugh, the more he does it...and we laugh a lot. :)

Watching Papa work in yard

He is now spending some time with his siblings every week. It is great - we are happy about that change. Hard on his schedule, but it is only a few hours and he seems to adjust ok. He loves it - most of the time. He is picked up by a transporter (who observes the visit) and he doesn't like leaving mama. He wants me to come - and that makes it really hard on mama. (Imagine that??) Just another adjustment, but a good one. Nothing else to really report. We still delight in every day we have with him and pray we have many, many more. We have had a great Fall. If you don't live in the PNW, the weather was amazing up until a couple weeks ago. Warm days, cool nights and NO RAIN for months. Our Fall has arrived (which makes me happy!!) and it has been cold and a bit rainy, but we have found lots of fun things to do. Visits to Apple Orchards, Pumpkin Patches, horse rides, train rides, and lots of playing outside. Love it! Looking forward to a season on hope as we approach the holidays.

At Bellewood Acres

Things I have learned from a 2 year old

1. Walking is not an option - running is the only way to go.
2. One must be outside all the time. It is boring to be inside - there is nothing to do and mama and papa make me take baths while I am inside. Who wants to take a bath? NOT me.
3. All bugs are cool.
4. If there is construction that involves diggers or tractors one must stop everything and watch. Forever.
5. ROAR!!!! no quiet voices allowed.

2 years old!

6. Run, run, run.
7. Climb - after running, of course.
8. Trains and donuts run a close second to construction sites - only Rocket donuts, though.
9. Papas are great chasers.
10. Run some more.
11. Mama's cell phone is WAY better than my cell phone.
12. Anything is a drum - including Mama's cake plate. Sorry, Mama.
13. Snuggling with Mama or Papa at nap/night time is the best. Especially if books are involved.


That about sums up our summer - lots of running at parks, the back yard and all over. S loves to be kept busy - and so does Mama. Our world is, generally, a happier place if he is able to run and play. I think it is that way for most 2 year olds though - especially boys. High energy boys. He is talking a mile a minute now, too. Recalling things we did weeks ago - it is amazing. Such a little boy now. I love that and I hate it - it is hard to think that the baby stage is far behind us now. I love this time, though. So thankful that I am able to be with him most of the time and be part of it all. That is such a blessing for us!

 

Climbing trees with friends at Hovander Homestead

No significant changes in our family situation the past summer. Still waiting and praying and loving  having him in our lives. We are heading to E WA for a family vacation in a few weeks and really looking forward to a break from our day to day routine. Will be able to sleep in (HA! Papa will sleep in...), play at the beach and in the lake, take walks through the apple orchards and visit some vineyards. Yea for family time!

Fun times at a friend's 3rd birthday party

See our new fence? I need to climb it...right away...

Steering the Plover FV

Exploring the beach at Semiahmoo

Name Change

How to even begin this post. We kinda figured this may happen someday - maybe? Most of our navigation in the system has been, well, we just never know. Sometimes it feels like it really just depends who you talk to on what info you are given. We were told, when we brought N home, that we could give him a name. We knew that name wasn't legal. We knew that we needed to use his given name around the house so that he was familiar with it...and we have done that. As he has gotten older I have thought long and hard about this whole name thing. How confusing would it be for him to be returned back to his bio mom and never hear the name we have given him, again? Would that be weird for him? Yes, I think so.

We recently had a visit from DCFS for our Foster License Renewal. The visit went really well - she was very sweet, kind, and thorough. For those of you that have been to our house you know that most everything is in lockdown mode now. REALLY kid proofed. Mostly because he gets into everything, but a lot is just required as a Foster family. Well, turns out that there were a few more things we STILL needed to do. Yes, really. Minor stuff though - I should be able to take care of them by the end of the week and we will be good for another 3 years. Yea!!

One thing that came up was the name. (sigh) So, after much discussion we are reverting back to his given name. From this moment forward, as hard as it will be for us, we will no longer be using N as his name. I am sure it will take some time for us all, but please start to use S. He knows it - it is familiar to him. And, honestly, it is a sign of respect - and I get that. I think that part of us naming him was something that belonged to us - and, as Foster parents, he doesn't belong to us.

Kev and I were talking about it tonight. Crying and sighing, too. We have always been pretty open with people and told them his given name was S. (Please let me know if you don't know the name - I just don't want it on the internet) A name means everything - and nothing. Just because we are calling him a different name doesn't mean he is a different little boy. It does mean everything to his bio mom though - family, heritage, and culture. So, so important. And, honestly, it is a really cool name. When he is in school he will be the only one with that name!

So, please, don't be taken aback when we correct you if you use "N" the next time you see our little sweetie. We understand it will take time.

On a side note, there haven't been, as far as we know, any changes in his case. Please continue to pray for his mom and us as a family. We have loved this little break we have gotten. S's schedule has really settled down. I had no idea that his visits were kind of messing up his sleep - but he has slept through almost every night for the last month or so...I think he has only gotten up 3 times that whole time. In the past he was up 3 and 4 nights/week. Ahhh. So nice.

Changes...

It has been a hard few weeks with N's case. Just a lot of changes and a lot of worry on our part. Like before, I really can't go into details, but there is a lot going on with birth mom and, just today, I got a call from N's SW and the visits are moving back to supervised. They have been unsupervised for almost a year, so this is a BIG change. While we are somewhat happy about this change, we are sad, too. I didn't think it would hit us this way. I thought I would be elated - jumping up and down. Nope.

We have grown to really care for his birth mom. It breaks our hearts to see a family struggle so...Yes, I know. It is all about choices, but have we all made perfect choices throughout our lives? I haven't - and I know Kev would be on the same page with me here. As hard as this has all been (and continues to be) it has been amazing to see how well birth mom has done. So to have this happen is really, REALLY hard. And we just didn't expect to feel that way.

So please pray for us as we move forward in this situation. We are trying to figure out how we can support birth mom in all of this - how we can love her and not overstep our relationship. We love N so much - and we know she knows that. He turns 2 this weekend - he had a visit set up with her on his birthday (Saturday) and it is now looking like that won't happen.

Jesus loves us so desperately - in our messy, out-of-sync lives. That is our life with N - very messy, not cookie cutter reality, and by no means ordinary. We have a constant though - a hope that we cling to in the midst of all the upheaval. I just want her to see that - and, even more, experience that hope.

I will keep you all posted - thanks for praying for us!

Songs we are singing

N is really into singing right now. He LOVES it when we sing to him and with him. We have been singing with him since he was just a teeny little guy - so it is really fun that he lights up when we sing now.

His favs are:

The Wheels on the Bus
Insy Weensy Spider (with the motions - SOOO cute)
Jesus loves me
Jesus loves the little children
ABC song (we always sing this when we give him treatments....I don't know why...)
Jesus paid it all (mama loves this song)
Skinamarinkydinkydo

and my favorite hymn...Be Thou my Vision

I sing these verses over and over - especially at night when he up. He loves it - he usually will cup my face with his little hands when I sing it. He just does it with this song for some reason - but it is very sweet and I don't want to forget it.

Be Thou my vision, O, Lord of my heart

Naught be all else to me, save that Thou are

Thou my best thought, by day or by night

Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light

High King of heaven, my victory won

May I reach heaven’s joys, O, bright heav’ns Son

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall

Still be my vision, O, Ruler of all

If and when...

Many of you know we had  a meeting with LCS and our adoption agency, Antioch, this past Friday. It went ok - I guess as well as expected. We didn't really get any new information on the case. There hasn't really been much movement in the past few months. It was good to get both groups together though - at least to even meet up face-to-face.

The latest is there is a court date coming up, mid-April, that could maybe result in N's overnights starting. Maybe. And, even if those do begin to happen, we don't know for how long and what comes after that. With cases that are worked by DCFS the parameters and timelines are very different. With Tribal cases it is totally up to the Tribal council and there really aren't timelines...so we could have him another 2 mos or another few years. Really, probably closer to the months end though. Ugh. But that is what we thought in August - we didn't think we would have him through October. And look - we are approaching his 2nd birthday!

The latest with little Mr N. He is continuing to show us his climbing and running skills. We spend a lot of time at the park/s right now - keeps both of us sane. He is talking more and more - and listens really well, too. It still amazes me - this little one growing up thing. I cannot believe all that he understands and does - and that we taught that to him! He does not like it when Daddy hugs Mama - will stop whatever he is doing to break it up. Pushes me away from Kevin and gloms onto me. Cracks us up - so we do it even more! We have been spending lots of time together as a family - it is so important for him to feel safe and stable. In the midst of visits getting longer and whatever is down the road for us - we want him to know that he is loved and cared for as much as we are able.

So please continue to pray for us and all the relationships - with N's social worker, our social worker with LCS, mostly, our relationship with birth mom. That she would continue to trust us and know that we love her son. And that she would feel peace - I don't think she is right now.

The ups and downs...

I just have to say it - I know visitations are super important and part of the process, but sometimes I really wonder. I just picked up N from a visit and he was in tears (which, if you know N, you know that he doesn't cry a lot - it REALLY takes a lot to push him over the edge) and one of the other siblings was in tears. All because they were tired. They needed to be in bed. So I got N some water and packed him into the van to take him home - trying to soothe him the entire way. Keep in mind that I was now crying but not wanting him to know because I didn't want to upset him more. Very. Hard. So I just prayed. Prayed that somehow he would be comforted, sitting alone in the dark backseat, and that Kev and I would be reminded that our strength and protection comes from God. He guards us, (and our hearts), when we leave and when we return, He guards us now, He guards us always. (Ps. 121)

Kevin is just putting him to bed - he is a limp and tired little boy. Sounds like it went down without a hitch. Yea and AMEN!