Everything that is round, to N, is either an apple or a ball. Most times, an apple. Oblong things go in that catagory, as well. We have been working on words with him - it is crazy how quickly he will pick something up from us! Well, when he wants to. So this morning I was feeding him breakfast and added some blueberries to his yogurt and cereal. He LOVES blueberries. He kept calling them apples, though. So, being the patient mama I am, I kept telling him they were "blueberries." Every time he said "apple" I responded "blueberry." And, you know when you are trying to help teach someone a new word, how you slow down and annunciate the word? Well, he did the same thing! I said "bluuuee beerrryyy...." and he looked at me like I was from Mars and said "aaaapppllle." I just laughed and that was the end of that. He will get it when he gets it. At least notices that things are round. Kind of.
We had a great Thanksgiving and Christmas season. Thanksgiving was at my Dad's with most of my siblings and my brother in law's brother. It was one of the best Thanksgivings that we can remember - since mom has been gone, at least. Just laid back and easy. Well, easy for us - we just showed up and enjoyed company and food. My dad and brother are great cooks and really put together a wonderful dinner. We missed having Michelle and her little family there...but they came home for Christmas! Yea! Christmas was a whirlwind, but a lot of fun. Kevin was able to take an extra day off so was home for 5 days! Lots of family time...We went to Christmas Eve service at our church and had Kevin's family over to our house for gifts and dinner. His niece had the stomach flu so she didn't some - Christmas with the DeKoster's, take two with Kristina, will be on New Year's Eve. Then it was more time with family on Christmas Day and down my my Dad's on the 26th. N did really well - we tried to be as low key as we could and not to rush about. To enjoy our time - and we did it! N really still just loves boxes. He wasn't even into the wrap all that much - but boxes, man, they are the best. I had to move a few downstairs as he figured out that you can put one box on another and then add a ball for fun climbing adventures.
We got hard news yesterday afternoon. It caught us off guard as the visits with bio mom have been a little out of sync the last few weeks. N's visit hours will almost be doubled starting next week. I haven't talked to his SW, so really don't know the reasoning, but we just have to trust that this is the way it is supposed to happen. I cried solid for almost an hour after I dropped him off last night. I think a lot of it is just being my emotional self and tired...I really know that God has a plan for us and N. And his bio mom. The news was just a little disheartening. So, trying to look at positive side of things. This will give his bio mom the opportunity to spend more time with him - to be able to get his routine down. It will give me more time at home to get stuff done, exercise, clean - whatever. I think I have almost 8 hours for one of the blocks. I can't even imagine what I can get done with all that time!! And I will keep busy - if I am idle I will go bonkers with worry over N. So, pray for us during this new transition. Big stuff for our family.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Worry...
Sometimes, it seems, there are days that are smooth sailing and days that are not. I am not really saying that our days are hard - they usually aren't. Well, aside from the trying to juggle every day life with visitations. But that has kinda turned into every day life for us.
This time last year we were unsure if we would have N for Christmas. I remember I was just a bundle of nerves. I wanted to plan things, but was afraid that I was assuming to much. This year, we are pretty sure we will have him, but we struggle with the thought that this is our last Christmas with him. I don't know which is better - or worse. We are trying to plan fun things with him and do things slowly - to savor the season - but we both feel like it is flying by and it is slipping from our fingers. We know that this might not be the case...we might have more time with him than we think, but we worry. We were watching something the other night and there was a line that stuck out to us. What our problem is we "know to much about the unknowns." We know what probably lies ahead. And we think about it WAY to much.
So that is what has been making these delightful days a little hard for us. Again, if anyone knows that "how to make time stand still" trick, please pass it onto us. We are trusting God for N's future - that is never up for grabs. It is just the in between stuff that gets to us every now and then.
In the meantime we are decorating and playing games with the sweet little boy. I made him a little felt tree with ornaments that he re-decorates several times a day. He loves all the lights - we are getting our tree this weekend and can't wait to put it up with him. Just getting a little one and letting him have at it! We took him up to the lighted parade in Lynden last weekend and he was enthralled by all the tractors and trucks with light on them. Kept pointing to them and saying "wow" and "ohhhhh." I thought it would wear off on him after a couple tractors, but it didn't. Such a treat.
Blessings to you this Christmas Season!
This time last year we were unsure if we would have N for Christmas. I remember I was just a bundle of nerves. I wanted to plan things, but was afraid that I was assuming to much. This year, we are pretty sure we will have him, but we struggle with the thought that this is our last Christmas with him. I don't know which is better - or worse. We are trying to plan fun things with him and do things slowly - to savor the season - but we both feel like it is flying by and it is slipping from our fingers. We know that this might not be the case...we might have more time with him than we think, but we worry. We were watching something the other night and there was a line that stuck out to us. What our problem is we "know to much about the unknowns." We know what probably lies ahead. And we think about it WAY to much.
So that is what has been making these delightful days a little hard for us. Again, if anyone knows that "how to make time stand still" trick, please pass it onto us. We are trusting God for N's future - that is never up for grabs. It is just the in between stuff that gets to us every now and then.
In the meantime we are decorating and playing games with the sweet little boy. I made him a little felt tree with ornaments that he re-decorates several times a day. He loves all the lights - we are getting our tree this weekend and can't wait to put it up with him. Just getting a little one and letting him have at it! We took him up to the lighted parade in Lynden last weekend and he was enthralled by all the tractors and trucks with light on them. Kept pointing to them and saying "wow" and "ohhhhh." I thought it would wear off on him after a couple tractors, but it didn't. Such a treat.
Blessings to you this Christmas Season!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Go Go Go
It has been over a month since my last update - sorry! It has been a busy few months. We went to Chelan the end of September and it feels like it has been a whirlwind since we got back. And now that little vacation feels like it was a lifetime ago.
Update with N's case - seems that things are slowing down a bit. I can't go into details, but please keep praying. Pray for his bio mom, our relationship with her, N...This is a shifting sands sort of situation and it really seems to change day to day. We think we might have him through Christmas, but we don't know that for sure...at all. It is so hard to even think about Christmas and to prepare for it not knowing. We are though - hoping for the best.
N is growing by leaps and bounds. He has about 15 words now and seems to say another new word each day. Today it was "cracker." His favorite words are "go, go, go." And that he does very well. He is a very fast runner and loves to just go. Go anywhere and climb everywhere. Especially outside. He looks, wistfully, out the deck window every day - especially on rainy days when we usually don't go outside. That has changed though - he has new rainboots and raingear from last year (that still fits!!) so we are prepared! NW rain will not be keeping us inside this winter! I think I would go crazy if we weren't able to go outside. It is one thing to hold a baby through the winter - totally another to keep an active toddler down. There are some great indoor places to go here in town to - the kids museum and a new play place. We get to parks as much as we can...he LOVES swings and slides. Mostly climbing up the slide, though. He is big into his cars and trucks, too. And his bear and baby doll - loves to carry them around and share his water and crackers. Very sweet to watch.
We went to the doc yesterday for his 18 mos well check up and he is right on target for everything - a little on the short side (22%) but everything is great. I still cannot believe that he is 18 mos old and that we have had him almost that long. Time has gone by at breakneck speed. He is really starting to look like a little boy now - not a baby anymore. His arms and chest are lean....no more baby rolls there! His legs still have a little pudge on them, thank goodness. He just got his 4th, yes 4th, haircut and he has his first dentist appt coming up in a few weeks. He has a mouthful of chompers, so that is good.
For Halloween he dressed up as a hound dog - a costume my sister, Teri, loaned us. It was perfect for him - he loves dogs and was stinkin' cute. He would not keep the hood on though - I need to put the outfit back on and try to get some photos with the hood up. We went to our church's Harvest Party and he raced around - we mostly chased him. It was a great, fun event - lots of kids and families.
My youngest sister recently moved with her husband and daughter back east. We are sad to see them go - she is just a few months younger than N. While we didn't see them a ton (they lived in Portland) it still feels so far away. My dad had all of us kids over for dinner before they left - all kids played quite a bit. Sharing was a little bit of a challenge with the two younger ones, but it was a lot of fun to watch them together. We will get to see them at Christmas when they come home. Yea!
Please keep praying for our family and transitions. We just keep counting our moments with him and cherishing every single thing. Isn't that we should be doing all the time anyways? Not clinging to those moments but being thankful for them. And remembering to be intentional.
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| Grandpa Kay and N in Chelan |
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| N resting after a busy day on the lake |
N is growing by leaps and bounds. He has about 15 words now and seems to say another new word each day. Today it was "cracker." His favorite words are "go, go, go." And that he does very well. He is a very fast runner and loves to just go. Go anywhere and climb everywhere. Especially outside. He looks, wistfully, out the deck window every day - especially on rainy days when we usually don't go outside. That has changed though - he has new rainboots and raingear from last year (that still fits!!) so we are prepared! NW rain will not be keeping us inside this winter! I think I would go crazy if we weren't able to go outside. It is one thing to hold a baby through the winter - totally another to keep an active toddler down. There are some great indoor places to go here in town to - the kids museum and a new play place. We get to parks as much as we can...he LOVES swings and slides. Mostly climbing up the slide, though. He is big into his cars and trucks, too. And his bear and baby doll - loves to carry them around and share his water and crackers. Very sweet to watch.
We went to the doc yesterday for his 18 mos well check up and he is right on target for everything - a little on the short side (22%) but everything is great. I still cannot believe that he is 18 mos old and that we have had him almost that long. Time has gone by at breakneck speed. He is really starting to look like a little boy now - not a baby anymore. His arms and chest are lean....no more baby rolls there! His legs still have a little pudge on them, thank goodness. He just got his 4th, yes 4th, haircut and he has his first dentist appt coming up in a few weeks. He has a mouthful of chompers, so that is good.
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| N running away from me... |
For Halloween he dressed up as a hound dog - a costume my sister, Teri, loaned us. It was perfect for him - he loves dogs and was stinkin' cute. He would not keep the hood on though - I need to put the outfit back on and try to get some photos with the hood up. We went to our church's Harvest Party and he raced around - we mostly chased him. It was a great, fun event - lots of kids and families.
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| N and A on a sharing stand down... |
My youngest sister recently moved with her husband and daughter back east. We are sad to see them go - she is just a few months younger than N. While we didn't see them a ton (they lived in Portland) it still feels so far away. My dad had all of us kids over for dinner before they left - all kids played quite a bit. Sharing was a little bit of a challenge with the two younger ones, but it was a lot of fun to watch them together. We will get to see them at Christmas when they come home. Yea!
Please keep praying for our family and transitions. We just keep counting our moments with him and cherishing every single thing. Isn't that we should be doing all the time anyways? Not clinging to those moments but being thankful for them. And remembering to be intentional.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Making applesauce
I bought a 25# box of apples from Bellewood farms last week and have been canning up an applesauce storm the last few days. LOVE applesauce - turns out that N does, too. I am having to plow through them as we are headed over to Chelan in a couple days. We have rented a house that sits smack dab in the middle of a ton of apple orchards. I can't wait! It smells so good over there and we love our walks in the orchards. Should be a lot of fun with N this year - last year he was just a little guy. It will be really great to get out of town and relax.
Just a couple photos of N "helping" Mama with the apples. Enjoy your week!
I bought a 25# box of apples from Bellewood farms last week and have been canning up an applesauce storm the last few days. LOVE applesauce - turns out that N does, too. I am having to plow through them as we are headed over to Chelan in a couple days. We have rented a house that sits smack dab in the middle of a ton of apple orchards. I can't wait! It smells so good over there and we love our walks in the orchards. Should be a lot of fun with N this year - last year he was just a little guy. It will be really great to get out of town and relax.
Just a couple photos of N "helping" Mama with the apples. Enjoy your week!
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| Wait, what are these? |
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| Oh, but I can only hold two... |
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| I fit! |
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Such a big boy
Today we had to get the van serviced for our trip over the mountains next week. Yea! Can't wait to go and spend a week with my boys and my dad. We walked to the park while the van was getting worked on and N climbed to his hearts content. That is his latest thing - loves to climb. We had a cool, old chair in our kitchen I that HAD been using when I fed him breakfast and lunch. (Our dining room is carpeted - so I try not to feed him in there other than supper with Papa) The chair in kitchen was one of those old white utility chairs - the ones that have the pull out steps. I love that chair. I knew it was only a matter of time before N found it. I had to move it out of the kitchen to the guest room - he thought it was the best thing to climb. Well, once it disappeared he moved onto his highchair. At least that one isn't as high.
To top if all off when I put him down for his nap today he didn't want me to rock him. I usually only rock him for minutes now anyways. Today it was more like seconds. He just kept pointing to his crib - he just wanted to lay down and sleep. Sigh. This is going way to fast. I love it that he has been a good sleeper - again, we have the dream child, but he is just getting so independent. That is what I should want though, right? It sure doesn't feel like it sometimes.
Visits are progressing. We had a meeting with a SW yesterday and it sounds like the next thing coming up is the overnight visit/s. I can't think that far out - and she wasn't able to give any timelines. That is fine with us right now - the more time we have, the better. I have a hard time even breathing when I think about overnights. I haven't ever spent a night without him since we got him. I know I can do it...I just don't want to do it. A friend of mine posted a wallhanging on Pinterest yesterday (OH, I love that websight!!) that I loved. In fact, I went on etsy and ordered it! "It is well with my soul." I just need to keep thinking of that hymn and know that it will all be ok.
Today we had to get the van serviced for our trip over the mountains next week. Yea! Can't wait to go and spend a week with my boys and my dad. We walked to the park while the van was getting worked on and N climbed to his hearts content. That is his latest thing - loves to climb. We had a cool, old chair in our kitchen I that HAD been using when I fed him breakfast and lunch. (Our dining room is carpeted - so I try not to feed him in there other than supper with Papa) The chair in kitchen was one of those old white utility chairs - the ones that have the pull out steps. I love that chair. I knew it was only a matter of time before N found it. I had to move it out of the kitchen to the guest room - he thought it was the best thing to climb. Well, once it disappeared he moved onto his highchair. At least that one isn't as high.
Visits are progressing. We had a meeting with a SW yesterday and it sounds like the next thing coming up is the overnight visit/s. I can't think that far out - and she wasn't able to give any timelines. That is fine with us right now - the more time we have, the better. I have a hard time even breathing when I think about overnights. I haven't ever spent a night without him since we got him. I know I can do it...I just don't want to do it. A friend of mine posted a wallhanging on Pinterest yesterday (OH, I love that websight!!) that I loved. In fact, I went on etsy and ordered it! "It is well with my soul." I just need to keep thinking of that hymn and know that it will all be ok.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
New Season...
I just put N down for his morning nap...a little late as he was up needing snuggles last night. Seems like this cold he has is finally clearing up and he is able to sleep through the night again. I didn't like losing sleep with his cold, but I did like the snuggling part in the middle of the night. In fact, I was kinda happy he woke up last night...it is usually such a sweet time. He hasn't really ever been a "screamer" or anything like that. If he gets held and snuggles in he calms right down. I know - not all kids are like this and it is God's gift to us. I love that time. I am not one to put him down as soon as he falls asleep, either. Never have been. I let him sleep for HOURS in my arms when he was an infant. I know, there are all kinds of schools of thought on that one. I have always thought that he might be our own and only - and I am the mama - so I want to enjoy this time. It all goes by sooo quickly. And now, for us, even more so...I am usually on the verge of tears, if not already, when I hold him at night. I don't want him to see me crying - I just want him to feel loved. I have gotten pretty good at staying calm in front of him. It is when I go back to bed that it gets hard. Or when he is at visits. Deep breath.
Ever since we brought him home from the hospital we have played music for him when he goes down for a nap. All kinds of stuff - hymns, Elizabeth Mitchell (one of my favs!), and even a Rick Springfield children's CD that a good friend of mine sent us. It is great - we play it in the van a lot. One of the most calming CDs is "Hidden in my Heart" - a wonderfully soothing compilation of scripture put to music. I LOVE IT. As I am fretting and feeling sad as I rock him these words rush over me and calm my heart.
Shortly after we got N a dear friend of mine sent me the re-written lyrics to "Hush Little Baby" by Beth Moore. I think the story goes, she was a Foster mom who took in a little boy when he was four and he stayed with them for about 3 years. It broke her heart when he was removed from their care - but she did everything she could to instill God's truths into her little boys heart in the time she had him. We have felt that so strongly with N. I guess maybe we have always just felt we were on borrowed time...so that is why I don't mind late nights with him. Kevin looks so forward to coming home from work and rolling into the night time routine. It is time we get to invest in N -
We start another new schedule for visits this week. They are still up in the air but it looks like we are moving more into later afternoon/early evening visits. This may be a hard transition for N...and us, too. The visits will go until 7pm, and N is usually in bed (and asleep) by that time. The occasional late night hasn't ever been a big deal for him, but three in a row. I don't know. And it is hard for us, too. Kevin will hardly get to see him on those days. We will pick N up and basically put him to bed. Hopefully. Adjustments and a new season for us.
Update: we made it through the first late night visit. Well, almost. Kevin is just putting N down now. He was pretty agitated and whiney when he got home, mostly just really tired. We will see how he sleeps tonight and how tomorrow rolls.
Here are the lyrics for "Hush Little Baby" - they are pretty sweet.
I just put N down for his morning nap...a little late as he was up needing snuggles last night. Seems like this cold he has is finally clearing up and he is able to sleep through the night again. I didn't like losing sleep with his cold, but I did like the snuggling part in the middle of the night. In fact, I was kinda happy he woke up last night...it is usually such a sweet time. He hasn't really ever been a "screamer" or anything like that. If he gets held and snuggles in he calms right down. I know - not all kids are like this and it is God's gift to us. I love that time. I am not one to put him down as soon as he falls asleep, either. Never have been. I let him sleep for HOURS in my arms when he was an infant. I know, there are all kinds of schools of thought on that one. I have always thought that he might be our own and only - and I am the mama - so I want to enjoy this time. It all goes by sooo quickly. And now, for us, even more so...I am usually on the verge of tears, if not already, when I hold him at night. I don't want him to see me crying - I just want him to feel loved. I have gotten pretty good at staying calm in front of him. It is when I go back to bed that it gets hard. Or when he is at visits. Deep breath.
Ever since we brought him home from the hospital we have played music for him when he goes down for a nap. All kinds of stuff - hymns, Elizabeth Mitchell (one of my favs!), and even a Rick Springfield children's CD that a good friend of mine sent us. It is great - we play it in the van a lot. One of the most calming CDs is "Hidden in my Heart" - a wonderfully soothing compilation of scripture put to music. I LOVE IT. As I am fretting and feeling sad as I rock him these words rush over me and calm my heart.
Shortly after we got N a dear friend of mine sent me the re-written lyrics to "Hush Little Baby" by Beth Moore. I think the story goes, she was a Foster mom who took in a little boy when he was four and he stayed with them for about 3 years. It broke her heart when he was removed from their care - but she did everything she could to instill God's truths into her little boys heart in the time she had him. We have felt that so strongly with N. I guess maybe we have always just felt we were on borrowed time...so that is why I don't mind late nights with him. Kevin looks so forward to coming home from work and rolling into the night time routine. It is time we get to invest in N -
We start another new schedule for visits this week. They are still up in the air but it looks like we are moving more into later afternoon/early evening visits. This may be a hard transition for N...and us, too. The visits will go until 7pm, and N is usually in bed (and asleep) by that time. The occasional late night hasn't ever been a big deal for him, but three in a row. I don't know. And it is hard for us, too. Kevin will hardly get to see him on those days. We will pick N up and basically put him to bed. Hopefully. Adjustments and a new season for us.
Update: we made it through the first late night visit. Well, almost. Kevin is just putting N down now. He was pretty agitated and whiney when he got home, mostly just really tired. We will see how he sleeps tonight and how tomorrow rolls.
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| At the park over Labor Day weekend - walking and exploring |
“Hush little baby, Daddy’s got a Word
No eye has seen, no ear has heard.
Dream sweet dreams, but you can’t dream this,
Plans your Weaver weaves for bliss.
Hush little baby, don’t you cry.
Daddy fixes all things by and by.
Cease your strivings, rest your eyes
You’re my joy and you’re my prize
Sleep little baby, I’ll stay awake
If skies should fall and mountains quake
You’ll be safe in Daddy’s arms,
Wrapped in blankets, robbed from harms.
Hush little baby, I will sing
While angels dance and ’round you ring.
If I should come before you wake
Your eyes will open to your Daddy’s face
So hush little baby, trust me now
Thrones and powers to me bow.
I tell oceans what to do
I think Daddy can take care of you.”
Monday, August 29, 2011
Ferries, Bugs, Trucks, and Boogies
Kevin took part of last Friday off and we hopped on a ferry and went to Friday Harbor. It was a glorious day - one of those days that I am so thankful I live in the PNW. It was clear, everything was so green, the water was calm and we could see the mountains. It was warm, too! This was a much needed trip for us - just to get out of town and enjoy time together. N did great - the ferry ride was a definite highlight for him. He loves walking and when wind is added he is so happy. All smiles. We walked him around and around the ferry. Then we walked around Friday Harbor and, of course, had ice cream down at the harbor. This is where N found a spider friend. He seems to have this things for bugs. I am trying so hard not to freak out and smash them - he, generally, won't touch. Just kind of leans over and looks at them real close like. At least that is what he used to do. This spider was different though. He needed to touch it...and then roll it around and look some more. I remained calm and let him play with it - and then when he wasn't looking I quickly moved it away. He looked back and spider was all gone! So sad. :) Not really. Then back onto the ferry for more walking. We were ALL exhausted when we got home, but it was the best day.
One of N's most favorite things right now is to play with his trucks and cars. I finally moved them into their own basket in the living room/TOY room. He just kept pulling them out of his toy basket anyways - might as well give them their own home. He zooms them around the living room and kitchen - usually two at a time - making zoomy car noises as he goes. Then he examines the underside of them to make sure they are working ok - and off again he goes. This has been one of my favorite things of being a parent - watching him learn. I had no idea that would be so cool. I love watching him make connections and put things together - it is amazing.
We think that this week the 3x/week visits will finally start. They were supposed to begin weeks ago but there have been complications every week. Next week the schedule changes, again - one of his sister's starts school. So we will see what that brings.
Boogies. Oh yea. N is sick right now. I think just a head cold, but sick all the same. Lots of boogies right now. Boogie here. Boogies there. Boogies everywhere. N HATES his nose being wiped, too. He will race away and try to hide from us if he sees us with a boogie wipe. (I love those Boogies wipes! I know they are a bit on the pricey side, but I.LOVE.THEM.) He seems to be a on the mend today - we did lots of horsey rides this afternoon. That must be a good sign.
One of N's most favorite things right now is to play with his trucks and cars. I finally moved them into their own basket in the living room/TOY room. He just kept pulling them out of his toy basket anyways - might as well give them their own home. He zooms them around the living room and kitchen - usually two at a time - making zoomy car noises as he goes. Then he examines the underside of them to make sure they are working ok - and off again he goes. This has been one of my favorite things of being a parent - watching him learn. I had no idea that would be so cool. I love watching him make connections and put things together - it is amazing.
We think that this week the 3x/week visits will finally start. They were supposed to begin weeks ago but there have been complications every week. Next week the schedule changes, again - one of his sister's starts school. So we will see what that brings.
Boogies. Oh yea. N is sick right now. I think just a head cold, but sick all the same. Lots of boogies right now. Boogie here. Boogies there. Boogies everywhere. N HATES his nose being wiped, too. He will race away and try to hide from us if he sees us with a boogie wipe. (I love those Boogies wipes! I know they are a bit on the pricey side, but I.LOVE.THEM.) He seems to be a on the mend today - we did lots of horsey rides this afternoon. That must be a good sign.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Waiting, waiting, waiting
About a month ago, or so, we started teaching N baby sign language. He picked it up right away - which is amazing. I forgot to teach him the sign for "waiting" though - so we have started that recently. And, of course, he picked it up right away. He has about 5 words right now: Mama, Dadadada, (somestimes Papa, too...but that is pretty rare), up, car, and wow. Yes, wow. Isn't that funny? We think so. His favorite game is "chase" with Papa. Kevin runs around and pretends to chase N and he runs right to me - laughing this deep belly chortle that he has just started. They can play this forever...it makes my heart happy.
The visits were ordered to be increased, but they haven't been able to get things squared away to make it happen. This also makes me happy. Is that so bad? I don't think so - just gives us more time with the little guy.
I was cleaning out some things this past week and I came across some sermon notes from a long time ago. The sermon was from a guest speaker from our church that is a Young Life Director - he now lives in Colorado with his wife and kids. Still works with Young Life. OK - onto the sermon. It was just one of those things I needed to find at that moment. I started to read my notes and was in tears in seconds. The sermon was about "waiting for God" and walking forward in faith. Hmm. Not knowing what God has in store for us, but being faithful that He has our best in mind and to keep moving forward - knowing that He will direct us.
God has been so very faithful in my life - our lives. I never thought I would get married - always wanted to, but it just didn't seem to be in cards for me. I waited. Moved forward with my life and continued to trust that God knew my heart and whatever happened would be what He wanted. I met Kevin in my early-30's...and waited. We spent a long time getting to know each other and FINALLY got married when we were both 38. Long time, but worth the wait. Again, God knew what was best for me. Then we began to try to start a family. Miscarriages and lots of tears - and waiting. We decided to adopt - and then lots more waiting. Some families seem to gets kids quickly...not us. We have been "in process" for over 5 years. And now we wait to see what God has in mind for us and our journey to have a family. N has been such a blessing for us - he brings us such joy in the midst of all this waiting. Isn't that just how God works though?
So, as I teach N the sign for waiting (wiggly fingers pointed upwards) I am reminded that God is in the lead here. He knows our hearts and knows we are waiting.
The visits were ordered to be increased, but they haven't been able to get things squared away to make it happen. This also makes me happy. Is that so bad? I don't think so - just gives us more time with the little guy.
I was cleaning out some things this past week and I came across some sermon notes from a long time ago. The sermon was from a guest speaker from our church that is a Young Life Director - he now lives in Colorado with his wife and kids. Still works with Young Life. OK - onto the sermon. It was just one of those things I needed to find at that moment. I started to read my notes and was in tears in seconds. The sermon was about "waiting for God" and walking forward in faith. Hmm. Not knowing what God has in store for us, but being faithful that He has our best in mind and to keep moving forward - knowing that He will direct us.
God has been so very faithful in my life - our lives. I never thought I would get married - always wanted to, but it just didn't seem to be in cards for me. I waited. Moved forward with my life and continued to trust that God knew my heart and whatever happened would be what He wanted. I met Kevin in my early-30's...and waited. We spent a long time getting to know each other and FINALLY got married when we were both 38. Long time, but worth the wait. Again, God knew what was best for me. Then we began to try to start a family. Miscarriages and lots of tears - and waiting. We decided to adopt - and then lots more waiting. Some families seem to gets kids quickly...not us. We have been "in process" for over 5 years. And now we wait to see what God has in mind for us and our journey to have a family. N has been such a blessing for us - he brings us such joy in the midst of all this waiting. Isn't that just how God works though?
So, as I teach N the sign for waiting (wiggly fingers pointed upwards) I am reminded that God is in the lead here. He knows our hearts and knows we are waiting.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Moving forward with hopeful hearts...
Seems like I am doing this kind of backwards. I was told, when we brought N home from the hospital, that I should start a blog on our foster/adopt journey. Now, as we are beginning to prepare for reunification, I am finally starting a blog about our road with the sweet baby boy.
His visits with his bio mom have increased from two days a week to three - which is a hard transition for us all. He isn't sleeping well on his visit nights and we are in "recovery" the day after. He is so easy going - I know it could be a lot worse. Me? Kevin? We are having a tough time with it, as well. That is to be expected, I guess. We are really, REALLY trying to look at the positive of it all. God brought N to us for a reason - we took care of him and raised him when his bio mom couldn't. He is a very happy, well adjusted baby boy that knows what it is like to be loved. That is huge. As I watched his bio mom walk away yesterday I thought to myself that she looks good - healthy, even. And that calmed me down.
I am reading a book by Ann Voskamp during N'a visit time/s. Yesterday the section I was reading on was about learning to be thankful in the moment (which is really the whole premise of the book). It really struck me though - she was writing about how when we are thankful for what is going on in the moment time slows down a bit. Or a lot - depending on how fast you are going. Both Kevin and I have been concentrating so much on the future right now. What will happen next week, next month, will we even have N in two months? Those thoughts put such a damper on the day...That isn't to say that we shouldn't plan ahead, but maybe should really try to concentrate on little moments we have with N. Who knows what God has in store for us in the next few months. It doesn't do us any good to wonder about the "ifs" in the next couple months. I told Kevin the other day that I really just wanted time to stand still for a little bit. Maybe this is God's way of reminding me to savor the time I do have with N and to be so very thankful for each little thing. Every toy I step on, a squirmy little boy when it is nap time, blueberries on the carpet, snuggles in the middle of the night. All that is good!
His visits with his bio mom have increased from two days a week to three - which is a hard transition for us all. He isn't sleeping well on his visit nights and we are in "recovery" the day after. He is so easy going - I know it could be a lot worse. Me? Kevin? We are having a tough time with it, as well. That is to be expected, I guess. We are really, REALLY trying to look at the positive of it all. God brought N to us for a reason - we took care of him and raised him when his bio mom couldn't. He is a very happy, well adjusted baby boy that knows what it is like to be loved. That is huge. As I watched his bio mom walk away yesterday I thought to myself that she looks good - healthy, even. And that calmed me down.
I am reading a book by Ann Voskamp during N'a visit time/s. Yesterday the section I was reading on was about learning to be thankful in the moment (which is really the whole premise of the book). It really struck me though - she was writing about how when we are thankful for what is going on in the moment time slows down a bit. Or a lot - depending on how fast you are going. Both Kevin and I have been concentrating so much on the future right now. What will happen next week, next month, will we even have N in two months? Those thoughts put such a damper on the day...That isn't to say that we shouldn't plan ahead, but maybe should really try to concentrate on little moments we have with N. Who knows what God has in store for us in the next few months. It doesn't do us any good to wonder about the "ifs" in the next couple months. I told Kevin the other day that I really just wanted time to stand still for a little bit. Maybe this is God's way of reminding me to savor the time I do have with N and to be so very thankful for each little thing. Every toy I step on, a squirmy little boy when it is nap time, blueberries on the carpet, snuggles in the middle of the night. All that is good!
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